Today’s speculation had an interesting dream about those girls who walk on the dart-players at Ally Pally last night
Watching that cheesy and ubiquitous advert for a well-known travel company in which Jamie and Louise Redknapp constantly look on the verge of rutting like dogs between golf-ball whacking and horse-riding sessions around an idyllic, sun-kissed foreign beach, the Rumour Mill couldn’t help but wonder how a similar advert for the January transfer window starring a different member of the Redknapp family might have gone.
Over a soundtrack culled randomly from The Very Best Of The Chillout Session compilation, with accompanying montage centred on a middle-aged man and his wife dreamily gazing into each others eyes as they take turns to throw darts at a wall covered in Panini football stickers, we hear a gruff East End voice …
‘Arry Redknapp: “We dream abah’ it …”
Sandra Redknapp: “We research it …”
‘Arry: “We fantasise abah’ it …”
Sandra: “We shop during it …”
‘Arry: “We can’t wait for it …”
Sandra: “We have fun during it …”
‘Arry: “We sign cheques durin’ it …”
Sandra: “He’s at his best during it …”
‘Arry: “And when it’s over …”
Sandra: “He never forgets it …”
And despite his claims to the contrary, ‘Arry looks set to get busy with some of his trademark wheeling and dealing during the current window, having taken a shine to Sunderland frontman Kenwyne Jones, who he’d be prepared to take to White Hart Lane in a deal that could result in David Bentley going the other way, after Steve Bruce expressed interest in bringing the outcast winger to the Stadium of Light. Bentley has also been linked with a move to La Liga side Atlético Madrid, while other Tottenham players believed to be up for grabs to the highest bidders include strikers Roman Pavlyuchenko and Robbie Keane.
With Emile Heskey believed to be in something of a panic over the fact that a lack of first-team opportunities at Aston Villa could cost him his place in England’s World Cup side, he’ll welcome the news that Chelsea are teeing up a surprise £4m bid for him. With Didier Drogba away at the Africa Cup of Nations for the next few weeks, Heskey would get to start as many as five games in a row before being relegated to the bench once the Ivorian returns.
Antennae will also be twitching at Stamford Bridge in the wake of the entirely predictable revelation that Franck Ribéry has decided against signing a new deal with Bayern Munich. Ribéry’s agent has denied that there is already a deal in place for him to move to Real Madrid in the summer, which should prompt money-men from Chelsea, Manchester City and Huddersfield Town to get on the blower to their Bayern counterparts and shout increasingly large numbers at them.
Meanwhile in Manchester, Roberto Mancini is pulling clear of Arsène Wenger and ‘Arry Redknapp in the race to bring Internazionale and France midfielder Patrick Vieira, 72, back to England, initially on a loan deal. The Italian is also searching among the rushes down by the Manchester Ship Canel in the hope of finding a basket containing Crystal Palace’s 19-year-old striker Victor Moses.
Down the road in Liverpool, Rafa Benítez risks scuppering his own transfer plans, having played fast and loose with the numeric dials on his Danro 2212 Price Gun when unceremoniously sticking adhesive labels to the foreheads of Ryan Babel, Andrea Dossena and Andriy Voronin. Without offloading the trio he’ll be unable to ship in equally ineffectual replacements, but the Liverpool manager’s valuation of them is rumoured to be on the sectionable side of completely delusional.
Yesterday’s man-of-the-match performance against Manchester United may well have been Jermaine Beckford’s last game for Leeds United, with Newcastle United believed to have been so impressed by the manner in which he made Wes Brown look like a member of the public who’d won a competition to play centre-half for Manchester United that they’re ready to bring him to St James’s Park. Having implied that Jo has almost certainly played his last game for Everton, David Moyes is hoping to rescue on-loan-from-Lyon striker Frédéric Piquionne from Fratton Park and give him sanctuary on Merseyside.
Birmingham City boss Alex McLeish is fantasising about going horse-riding on a sun-kissed beach with £3m-rated Sporting Gijon midfielder defender Michel, while his Hull City equivalent Phil Brown may need to dust off the carbon-dating machine at the KC Stadium now that it’s emerged he might be prepared to take a punt on American wunderkind-turned-journeyman, Freddy Adu, who has been told to look for alternative employment by Portuguese side Belenenses.
And finally, the home dressing room at Hillsborough looks set to be a charisma vacuum now that Alan Shearer wants to succeed Brian Laws as manager of Sheffield Wednesday and install friend and fellow Chuckle Brother Gary Speed as his No2.
Transfer windowChelseaLiverpoolSheffield WednesdayHull CityTottenham HotspurAston VillaBarry Glendenningguardian.co.uk
